Friday, February 5, 2010

Mother in law and Friend Financial Issues

Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
I have recently learned in a round-about-way that some friends of ours are having financial problems. I want to say something to them, to offer to help, or just be there for them emotionally. They have never said anything to me or my husband, which surprises me since we typically discuss all of our personal matters. My question to you is would it be inappropriate to bring up the subject? If we can bring it up, how would you suggest that we do this?
Wanting to Help

Dear Wanting to Help,
It is very nice of you to want to help your friends. I would not bring it up directly at all. If they have not mentioned it to you, then I would not say anything about it. The only thing that would be appropriate is to ask your friend(s) to coffee or dinner, and to ask in general how everything is going. This will then give your friend an opportunity to bring it up (or not). If she says everything is fine, or discusses something other than her finances, leave it at that. It is very nice of you to want to help them out, but if you want to be a true friend, act like you never found out that they were having financial trouble, and keep the information to yourself.

Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
My mother-in-law is very nice in the fact that she loves to give me little trinkets all of the time. The problem is that I do not like them, and prefer to have a clutter free home. I think she thinks that I need decorating help, and is trying to do me a favor. I do not want to offend her, but it is really stressing me out. Every time she comes over, I feel like I need to dig them out and put them on display. What should I do? I am trying to be a good daughter-in-law, but these well-intended trinkets are invading my space!
Ungrateful Trinket Receiver

Dear Ungrateful,
I understand your dilemma, and appreciate that you are trying hard to not hurt your mother-in-laws feelings, since in-law relationships are typically very fragile. I would not feel obligated to display the items at all. It is your house, and when someone gives you a gift, it is yours to do what you would like to with it.

If your mother-in-law ever questions you about it, (which would not be good manners), I would tell her that you are rethinking your spaces, and wanted a clean start, and you have not decided what items you will put back out. Hopefully she will get the hint, and not continue to buy you these types of items.

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