Birthday Party Punishment

Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

I have a child who has demonstrated some naughty behavior over the past two days, which has not been remediated by our discipline strategies. She was told that if her behavior did not change, she would not be permitted to engage in any fun activities this weekend. The behavior worsened, so she lost her fun activities. The problem is one of the activities was a birthday party on Saturday that I already committed to attending. I always tell the kids that I mean what I say and I say what I mean, but now what? Is there an etiquette rule about such situations? I hate to leave the birthday child and the birthday parents in the lurch, but I also hate to look like a flaky blow-hard in my child's eyes. Thanks for any clarification you can provide.

Best wishes,
Rude, but Well-Meaning Mama

Dear Well-Meaning Mama,
I think that it is fine taking away the birthday party. The parents of the birthday child should understand. You can take it a step further by having your child go to the birthday child's house either before or after the party and apologize to the birthday child and parents for not attending. She can then explain why she suddenly cannot attend, and she can give the child the present. This will make a big impact on her, and she will think twice about her behavior. It will also teach her about RSVP/party etiquette.