Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Elise McVeigh's Life Camp Column - Thank you notes

Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
I exchanged gifts with an in-law at Christmas, and I need to start off by crediting her for writing me a thank you note. The issue is the note that she wrote me was very honest, to the point that I found it a little offensive. In the note she thanked me for the gift. She then said that she started to look at it, but got distracted, and never saw what it was. She then went onto say that she left it at the relative’s house that we exchanged our gifts. On the positive side, she said that she appreciated my thoughtfulness. What is your take on this note?
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
That is a unique thank you note. I would have handled the situation differently than your relative did. I always tell my manners’ students that you need to be specific about what the gift is in a thank you note. I will make an exception in this case. I would have written it the following way:

Dear XYZ,
Thank you so much for the gift that you gave me for Christmas. I really appreciate the thought that you put into choosing it for me.
I enjoyed spending the holidays with you. I look forward to our next family get together.
Love,
Elise

This is shorter and less specific than I typically like to write, but it is still honest, without being offensive. The next time I would see this in-law, I would mention verbally how I have used the gift, since I was unable to do this in the note. Hopefully she will retrieve the gift from the relative’s house by the time you see her again, and tell you specifically how she has enjoyed and used your gift.

Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
When is it (if ever) too late to write a thank you note?
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
It is never too late to write a thank you note to someone. I would rather receive one late, then not at all. It will also make you feel better that you wrote it.

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