Elise McVeigh's Life Camp Column

Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
I attend a large church, and one of the items in our church yearly church auction is bidding on reserving a pew for the holiday services. I noticed this year that a man and his young son were sitting in the reserved seats. The family who then won the right to the seats arrive a little later and piled into the pew. It was a bit of a tight fit for all of them to get in the pew, and it soon became apparent to me that the man who was there first did not purchase the pew. He stayed there even after it appeared that the family nicely told him that they had the pew reserved. He did not get up and move until after one of the family members discreetly spoke to an usher. The usher ended up finding the man and his little boy a new seat. Do you think they should have let him stay there? It is a church, and there was a small child involved.
Curious Church Goer

Dear Curious Church Goer,
I agree with the family who bid on the seats. They purchased this item at the auction for the purpose of arriving to the church at their convenience, and having seats for their whole family. The gentleman who was there first should have immediately moved after he realized his error. Even though he had a child with him, I think the usher did the right thing by finding them new seats.

Dear Mrs. McVeigh,
I did some extensive traveling over the holidays, and went to several large cities. While in these cities, our main transportation was subways and buses. I was very surprised that people did not offer their seats to older people, and pregnant ladies. I offered my seat to them every time, and my kids asked me why. Does etiquette not dictate that we offer our seats to ladies and the elderly anymore? I was trying to not only do what I think is right, but also set a good example for my kids. What is the deal? I am female and offered my seat to pregnant ladies and older people, so shouldn’t men step up and do the same? Is this just a southern thing, or am I being ridiculously old fashioned? What is the current rule about this?
P.T.

Dear P.T.,
Good for you for setting such a great example to your children, and to other people. Etiquette still says that gentlemen should offer their seats to ladies, and others who need a seat more than they need it. (It does not matter what part of the country, or the world, that you live in. It is a universal etiquette rule in my opinion.) It is very disappointing to hear that people do not have the same kind of manners that you have. I don’t care what culture you live in – when a woman is pregnant, she really needs to sit down, and the elderly are tired, and deserve a seat as well. As for gentleman giving their seat up to any lady, pregnant or not, I still think they should offer.

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